Such a funny thing about life…
it’s every day, you know? every day.
There is nothing you can take, nothing you can hide behind, nothing to make that not real in some way. And sometimes it’s messy, and sometimes you wonder WHY? And maybe, you’re like me and when the perfect storm of a lot of tough LIFE hits you, your mind goes wild as your body shuts down. It’s like overload, it’s like a small glimpse into madness…It’s like how we still randomly find ourselves awakening from the night in the fetal position.

And I see the sky my favorite shade of midnight blue, and I hear my friend laugh from behind the door, and I look at those I love, frozen stills on my walls, my constants…my hearts. And I feel guilty…because I can’t be THAT every day.

And my body, so weak as my brain never settles and somehow, every time, I search for one single understanding to miraculously pull my brain and spirit and body as it never eventually fails to find me. I look for it though I tell myself, “maybe this time the light will not find you again” And I am ugly inside.

So I go to that place. This place where my peace of mind will find me and my body can heal itslef again as the tunnel doors crack. I write it down. I put it out here just thinking…if I feel like this? If I am living every day..must everyone else too?

You can find your dreams. You can find and share true love. You can be a giving person with purpose. You can be rich…and yet there is something within we all must face alone I guess….just sometimes.

Maybe it’s the universes mysterious way of balance. Maybe we just get lost sometimes.
Maybe it doesn’t have to mean we’re crazy, or that we can’t give and have what we yearn for, what we deserve…maybe it’s kind of what makes it all worth it.

For now, Josh plays me this country song…I don’t know the name…or wait, maybe it’s Christian Rock (which I not so secretly love sometimes) and the line says…
:” And they say the road to heaven might leads us back through hell,
but we’re holding on for more than stories to tell.
Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow,
we will win this fight and bury this sorrow.”

It’s called Google Jake, and the band is Wide Awake
Ok, I’m waiting now…come on ME! Get up!…..GET UP!

Peace, be you, Jake