You see, I think a lot….so much so that a doctor has to write me a
prescription for a little something to take the edge off my raging river
of a brain every night. There have been times as the vastly stronger tide
of the raging river of my heart have caused me to flail about in the wind
and drown in my own belief in the destiny of my fated dreams….for to be
such a dreamer, as you know, requires a certain element of madness.
July 22nd 2008 my life changed…but you see, as you WILL see, the point
of this random morning post show “poetry” is to let you know that I can’t
tell you about that…how I have hidden so much from you….as I look back
while packing and unpacking bags yesterday, cleaning the crevaces of old
ones to put in the new and finding scraps of notes and scribblings….as i
look back, as I often do, I realized how much I had shared before this
date. “Alive and Screaming” being a literal self portrait and guided call
for the raw truth and screaming hope I carried in that moment, it was
me…it WAS me…and I lived that era of my life for a long time…and
sometimes I miss it, but only because of what it gave me…WHO it gave me,
meaning you reading this, and HOW it gave me a sense of myself, a vessel
to my calling in this life…
July 25th 2008 I had what we called my L.A. Freedom Party….I had quit my
day job, gave up my apartment, my hobbies, my daily friendships and
routines….anything safe…anything I was no longer wanting to be
ME..The well had run dry and I had become comfortable in the
numbness of my life. I guess I couldn’t feel all THAT so fresh and raw
every day anymore…and I KNEW, as every true artist does, when that
fight, for LIFE as us traveling poets are supposed to aspire to live and
preach, well, I knew I wasn’t going find it there anymore.
So I left, first on one tour, then another….each day, each week, month
and eventually the entire next year were spent in absolute chaos. I went
everywhere, slept anywhere, and lived every moment to share “alive and
screaming” from every corner I could find….but most of all I had to
find my next story, my next ME…and I had to let go for a
while what I found July 22nd for what seemed an eternity, when after I
sat at the piano the months of June and July with the windows all open
and the warm wind blowin’ in as I would
smoke and slide my barefeet across the wood floor as I let it all go, and
became honest with myself….and I guess, dared myself to believe after
too long that I wasn’t broken, that everything I could have ever imagined
could BE…and
“as the wind was blowin’, on an L.A. evenin’, I remembered when that
record played, and he sang us Hallelujah hallelujuh hallelujah”
And I knew that if I were to have another story to tell I had to say
goodbye and start all over….I knew that my story was not Alive and
Screaming, but a franchise of LIFE, one that I had to LIVE it’s next
chapter, to sacrifice and struggle and earn my way to find what it was
that could follow up THAT…..
“I just want a little peace, another soul to look over me in wonder…”
Today we leave for the Great Austin House to House Tour. Life is good.
The stars are aligning for me, I see it every day now and I am gonna TAKE
IT….I so respected the darkness, all the pain and struggle, I wore it
like a badge of courage…and now, for this moment, to get to THAT place I
have always believed I would be lucky enough to find, that platform of
success in every area of my life that would give me the greatest gift of
all….to share and inspire love….been said, been done..yes I know…but
not like this….We all have to believe that our story, the way WE do it,
the way WE see it is unique to the universe and so fucking special that it
is our duty to fulfill that which each and every one of us universally
knows we can.
You see, I started writing this as an apology, an explanation this
morning…for keeping so much of the
depth of my work and story the last year or so very close to my
heart…..you don’t
know this…but maybe you wondered…where are all those five page bloody
mess of a blogs that Jake Walden guy used to pour out….I hear from him
every
day, but not like that….hmmmmmm….
Well, the answer is……drum roll please…..
I have spent the last year and a half LIVING the story I am getting ready
to tell…I love you all so much, for so many reasons, that if in some way
something I produce matters to you, I want to give you the best I
got…..and I don’t make creations that trickle down to your feet, I am
filling my river so deep with EVERYTHING so that i may, God willing,
one day soon be able to
tap on that visceral dam and let the floodgates rage open….and
hopefully, you will FEEL….and this tree will be happy.
Thank you for everything,
I am honored and HAPPY….what more can I ask for…see you on the road…
so much to come,
Peace, be you, jake
p.s…I sent you here to the website to make sure you see that on the homepage I am giving away the song “alive and screaming” to you for free….hope it means something to you…hope to see you real soon….hope a lot…
There is not a note you sing or a word you write that doesn;t bring a tear to my eye Jake or makes my heart seemingly beat a bit faster. I do a lot of writing; no where near as eloquent as you; but I have not written down everything either. Some I will never write down ; worrying that some one will find the scrap of paper or top of the cereal box i write on . I still feel I have to keep some of “me” to myself. Without shame I too can say as my sister Sandy did. I love you; you heart and your soul and all that give us in your words and music .
As I read this to Laura, it came alive for me. I could see you in the last year and a half living your dreams, you did what you set out to do. You have shared so much, and with each show, each song you sang, every note you played, you gave hope and love, inspiration, understanding, clarity to so many…to me. I have watched you grow this last year (it has been over a year since we first met…crazy because I feel as if I have known you my whole life and we are just re-connecting…) You have grown, fell in love, been with your loved ones, and put yourself out in the world! You are so special and I am so proud, so honored to KNOW you! Have fun on this next tour…enjoy it, enjoy being you, each night after meeting all the “new” fans sit back for a moment and just take it all in, think of how rich your life will be learning their stories, connecting with them, sharing lessons…I will think of you each night, close my eyes and see myself there listening to you, giving you your HUG and sharing my B-R-E-N-D-A energy!!! Love you so much….Vegas possible…let’s hope!! Love me…
So, it is a big step that you took and yes, you definitely could have fallen flat on your face. We are all comfortable with failure; success is terrifying! So please know how really lucky you are to realize your dream; I think this may be the second time this week I have said this, but even though we never met, we are family and we do more than support you. Go out there and rock the world, Jake and when you need to be grounded a bit, you can always come here and we will keep it real…call your family!
Amy
Hello Jake, What can I say but just put your two feet on the ground and things always go from there! We as Artists sometimes get caught up in too many words, thoughts, actions that weigh us down. Stop and think for just one second if all those words, thoughts, actions and most importantly, ‘angst’ is really worth your time. I think not. I am a visual artist that did not work for over 20 years for a reason I am still trying to figure out. I have started again and what I have produced is simply FANTASTIC!
For me, now, to sit around and wonder why I was not making anything does me no good in the least! As the corny and most ‘kitschy’ expression goes, and I almost loathe to write it as it has become so very over used but here goes, “Today is the first day of the rest of your life”! There I managed to type it out.
As someone who has ‘been around the block and back’ I know that outside “Stuff” can get in one’s way! It is for us to throw away this “stuff” and get back on track as best we can….it most always comes together in the end. No, it does come together in the end if ones soul and spirit live for the art forum that one cannot really be happy living without!
Throw away the ‘angst’, and just do what you do best!
It felt good, reading that blog post… makes me happy to see you feel comfortable with yourself – that there’s confidence in what you do, and as others pointed out, I’m proud of you, too
Maybe you will never know how much you gave me – gave us… And I sure don’t write it to add some kind of ‘pressure’. But it’s the truth. Getting to know you through your music, through your posts, your mails, your comments made my life richer. It means a lot to me and you left your marks, written deep down into my heart. It feels good…
As I already aid, hope you’ll have a great trip, lotsa lovely people, new fans, new friends and wonderful experiences along your way.
Much love from my end of the world to your end…
Rike
‘My beautiful Jake’ ~ I find such contentment in those words knowing you are such a part of me and my life. Your beautiful light, even through the darkest of times, you have always given such a vision of hope and allowed so many to see our own path and find what it is we are seeking. Now I have this place in my heart that is all consumed with magic and love for you and what you have given me. Here again I sit and read your words in absolute awe of what it is that you give! What it is that you see through your heart…. To think back and reflect on that time in your life…. all that you speak of and now to rejoice in all that has brought you to this beautiful place that you have found…. The truths, the pain, the dreams that have taken you through so much and now on to yet this new chapter of hope and love fulfilled. I think I tell you everyday what I wish for you…. I hope you never tire of hearing it… for I could never wish enough….. so much to come… so much to come. I love you and I thank you. me
Thanks again Jake for sharing your heart. I can identify a lot with what you’ve written here as i’ve made similar decisions and it’s reasurring to me to hear of another human being following their heart, letting go of the life that was safe and following a natural path which is dreamlike and free and very courageous as the risks can seem huge.
What you’ve done is inspiring. Thanks for telling us as it is.
Cathy
Jake~ I, like many others, I imagine, ‘stumbled’ upon you, your life, and your work, through a friend, a link somewhere…somehow what you are doing and who you are, came to my attention and I paid attention. Your life is speaking even in the quieter wrinkles. You have a voice which speaks the shared story of many others and we hear it as you spill it out of your humanity. Thank you brother, for being honest in the middle of your growing popularity – let that continue to be your voice. Love and much grace to you.
Thank you for sharing all of yourself. Blessings to you xx DP
I was right. You are powerful!!!
Enjoy!
so glad to have met YOU in my own journey and that we got to share our songs together on stage. hope we get to do it again. you’re the best. love.s
It takes bravery or stupidity to do what you did and praise be that you found yourself! Your words tend to be a reflection of my soul…there’s a saying in Spanish: de musico, poeta, y loco todos tenemos un poco (everyone is a poet, musician, or is a little bit crazy, and your blog confirms it. I find no outlet for my madness in this normal world, it used to be that I could write a poem, or a letter to no one, and thus the “steam” was let out, but the normalcy of my world today is not conducive to that…yet, how can I keep lying to myself?Just ranting, I can’t hear your soul without aching for my own, beautiful works of life my friend!!
Every one of these comments, YOUR thoughts are why I believe in all I believe in. Thank you. Thank you my fellow dreamers
Thank you again for your honesty and for having the courage to share your art and your heart.
These words, “We all have to believe that our story, the way WE do it, the way WE see it is unique to the universe and so fucking special that it is our duty to fulfill that which each and every one of us universally
knows we can,” so much food for thought and just the words I need!
It’s great to be able to connect a personal life with the music I’ve been listening to today.I’ve recently discovered your music and I feel like I’m getting life lessons and inward thought to help me analyze my own life. Thanks for sharing Jake.
забираааююю!!! СПС ОГРОМНЕЙШЕЕ!!!!
здрасте всем!!!!!!!!!!